lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
