Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
