you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
