remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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