Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
