I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
