What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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