I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
