sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
