How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
