I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize