btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
