need another drink. this is the easiest way
butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
