You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
