bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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