I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
