u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
