Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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