Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
