I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
