i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
