She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
