so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
