Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
