Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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