hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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