why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
