i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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