so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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