Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
