So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
