His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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