Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
