When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
