Apparently you make a good broom.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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