i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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