I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
we're so committed to being not committed
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
