my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
