I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
