I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
