He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
