"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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