Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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