Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
