Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Randomize
