why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
