My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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