i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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