New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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