she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I love you. Go after that dick
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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