Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
