Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
